The Warrior in the Dark

First post in 7 mounths or so....
Well..what can I say...I have had alot on my mind. I tied to refrain from using this fucking thing.but I guess it got the best of me. It's kinnda funny just when you think life is going good..the demons of Past and Jelousy peak ther little heads into your view again. Past thoughts have done nothing but ripped this stressed emotionless shell. It seems I never have fun anymore and everything is up tight. I can't trust people worth a shit, I am always tense and I think to much abouth the past. Even though Im pretty sure no one will read this I might as well find an outsource for my thoughs. Im thinking of leaving everything behind again..except for my family. I ned to exile myself from this world. It seems no matter how far I get away from my negative thoughts of jelousy and anger they come right back at the wisper of a few words. I just can;t belive how lucky I am and how sad I still am. I have the greatest woman in the world..and it still dont seem to be enough to keep me happy. She is so great to me..yet I still feel jelous.She treats me like a god, yet I am just a mear pesant with a heavy burden called life. I must retreat from this hopeless battle. I must leave all of this far behind. I must walk alone!!!!

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Iced Earth-A Question of Heaven

This is my last post
Fuck all of this EMO LiveJournal bull shit......I am done...I give up..Im not gonna post anymore....Its all fucking bull shit....All of you are fucking bull shit....stupid ass goths.....One day you will grow up...And thoose of you like #1,Anni,and Dani....Thanks for being mature...as for the rest of you...go slit your fucking wrist...or grow up!...Now im gonna go move on with the rest of my life....
Good bye everyone.

#2....The Warrior in The Dark

Current Mood: exusted
Current Music: In Flames-Discover Me Like Emptyness

I told you no one cares!!!!!!!!
I just wasted my time asking for help..and no-one(exception of Dani) even botherd to reply.....THATS WHY I TRY TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS MYSELF....I HATE ALL OFF YOU.......FUCK OFF..YOU STUPID ASS FUCKING GOTH KIDS....GO SLIT YOUR FUCKING WRIST..YOU UNWORTHY BASTARDS....QUITE BREATHING MY AIR!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: FUCK OFF
Current Music: Fuck OFF!!!!!

I am a surrefer
I suffer the following problems:
Self-Hate
Guilt and Blame
Fear Patterns, Paranoia
To put this in perspective think of those three behaviors as "Viruses" And the Human mind is a computer. I have downloaded three of the most deadliest Viruses known to man. I know it sounds dorky but it is the only way I can put it into perspective."It takes a thousand hands to rebuild a human being" And sometimes thoose hands arnt avalible. There are only two ways to elimminating "Viruses" 1.Going deep down into the core of the problems and attempting to remove them. 2. Self Destruction.
And I have no clue which to do. I know of no-one who can help heal theese problems so it kinnda leaves me leaning to the other choice. I cant sleep at night..I always think people are lying to me. I hate every thing I do..I hate every decision I make. I blame myself over things way out of my control..AND I CANT STOP!!! I want to reach out and scream for help but when it is offerd to me I grow an ego and turn away thinking I can deal with it myself. This is the only time you will hear it out of me but, "Someone please help!!!!!!!"

Current Mood: Dying inside
Current Music: Marilyn Manson-Coma White

COLTS WIN!!!!!!!
Colts 45
Green Bay 31

COLTS ARE GONNA WIN TODAY!!!!!!!!!!

Current Music: Children of Bodom-Tripple Corpse Hammer Blow

Sorry
Here I am at 1 o'clock in the morning,I cant sleep as always..I cant quite thinking about Sky..I cant quite worring about the band....I cant quite contemplating about life in general. Kelly I am sorry for any pain I may have caused...I gusse I am just lonley. I really long to be with someone. I am tierd of chasing after pussy! I just want someone to be there by my side. I am sick of sleeping at night(or trying to) with no one by my side. I bear an endless pain it seems. I feel as If I am floating in space..drifting away from humanity..Screaming for someone to be there...but I realize it wont do me no good to ask for help.I relize I MUST be a man about things and deal with it myself.I must lift the weight of the world on my own. Sorry everyone for going off. I am just confused...I dont know what to do anymore. I so badly want help from you all but If I were to take it I would be weak...I need to be strong! OHHHH GOD!!!!! I dont even know who I am anymore!

Current Mood: Sad
Current Music: Final Fantasy IV- Cry of Sarrow

OK, Here's how it goes
#1..you are good..you have helped me alot(this isnt your battle).....Dani, You are ok, you have helped..but I dont need your help...Tiff, same to you as #1(its not your battle)..Anni, You have always been kind(Its just the distance beetween us that kills me)but thanks for letting me know were you stand. And last but not least Kelly! I want to be with you..I want to hang out with you...BUT I get the Idea! everytime I try to get close you push away..I know you are a little scared BUT HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I GOT TO TRY TO GET CLOSE BEFOR YOU LET ME IN!!! IF YOU WANT TO EVEN HANG OUT WITH ME OR BE FRIENDS LET ME KNOW. I try so fucking hard to make everyone happy it ....(nevermind....Thats my problem) I AM A FUCKING MAN.....A HEARTLESS BASTARD WITH NO FUCKING FEELINGS!!!!! I will take responsibility for my own actions! I will learn to deal with the agonizing problems that fall upon me.
AND I DONT WANT NO-ONE'S HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other news I have a new theory I am going to try out! I gonna see if the human mind can build up a tolerence to emotional pain. How you might ask? I am gonna not say a word,nor shed a tear when a problem occurs. I am gonna let it bitch slap me in the face until my mind dosnt feel it anymore.

Current Mood: PISSED
Current Music: Cradle of Filth-Funneral in Carpathia

No one cares
No one Cares!!! Not a damn soul in the world ever does!
No one thanks the Docter who helps heal the pain! No one cares about the warrior who gives everything has to the one he loves. NO ONE CARES! Either you like me or you dont....AND FOR ANYONE WHO I HAVE EVER HELPED DOSNT THANKS ME WILL PAY FOR VENGENCE IS VERY FUCKING SWEET. I am tierd of being walked on.I am tierd of helping people...but when I fall who helps me???!!!! I WILL NO LONGER BE WEAK...IF YOU WANT TO BE MY FREIND NOW IS YOUR CHANCE...POST AND LET ME KNOW....EVERYONE ELSE WILL PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Morrals....and what they have to do with you!
Good....Bad....Morral.....Immoral. Are you good,bad or just a shade or grey? Do you have Loyalty and Honor? Nothing is ever personal until it comes down to cut throat time, Do you save your own ass even though you commited the act, or do you live by morrals and take the blame? That is one major problem now a days. No one has Honor and Loyalty. You chop down as many people as you can just to get what you want. Your greedy brain pushes you into an endless pursuite until you have reached it...and yet you dont take time to look back at the bridges you burned. Are you one who sees a confilict and stays out of it,or do you stand up for what you belive in even if you are standing alone? Do you agree with your friends even if you deep down inside dont agree? Loyalty and Honor is something all you people who might read this lack. For thoose of you who have it...im sorry for false aligations. Think to your self...When is the last time you did something you could live with your self for. What good deed have you done to help out someone or even yourself. You dont need a reson to help people...only a reson not to!!!

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: The Kovenant-Cybertrash

I want you to come home.....it is pretty ironic that me thinking to much allways gets me in trouble and now I think not enough and get in trouble....Im always here...waiting in the dark,for you to come home and bring the light with you.I try to keep busy to get it off my mind,but it only masks the torment deep inside. Quite being stubbron headed and follow your heart.....please come back..and bring the old times with you.

New Quote
"I'm so metal, I shit rebar and piss solder wire."

Over
My and Sky are officialy over......I fucked it up..again

Current Mood: dead
Current Music: The noise on lonlyness

Cant sleep..to much torment
The last few night have been very sleep deprived...everytimr I try to go to sleep I dream/think bad thoughts...like the appacolypse and Sky leaving me for another man.I dont know anymore...I just want things to be back to normal again...It seems this battle is never ending....but Im to the point where I am givving up...hopeing that the Enemy of reality will show merrcy and let me be.......man I wish I could sleep

New E-mail Address
I have switched my E-mail address to: Warrior_in_the_dark@yahoo.com
If anyone wants to know for future refrences.

A Final Defeat.........
Confused, and thoughtless,running though a dark barren desert of cherrished memories that once were. Reminiscing of a life long lost due to his unacceptable actions....due to being human. Once again he trys to kill the beast that so merciless tears his intense imotions to shreads,but once again he is on his knees about to be delt the final blow. A warior whoms ways we not to give up and not to be weak,now kneels befor the beast...hopeing that it will show merrcy.The beast sadisticly makes him belive that he will be spared,but once he stands up,only to his surprise the beast knockes his tormented shell to the ground. The Warior knows this is it.He will no longer try to fight.He drops his weapon and arrmor,and a tear falls from his eye.This was his finnal attempt. The beast rasies its weapon and slays him for good.
The Warior had lost all hope in a world so cold.and fell lifless to the enemy he once loved...Form I should know the story well..cause I was the warior and the beast was love.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Perfect Circle-Three Libras

How dose one live with something he hates.In my case I cant live with myself..There must be a flaw why I cant get girlfriends..and when I do they either cheat on me or they just leave me behind.WHY???? WHY ME???? What have I done...what have I become..I cant even sleep at night because I hate myself so much. I JUST WANT TO DIE..What do I do wrong that drives everything I love away? GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!!! Why must nothing make me happy anymore....why do i losse everything.....I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stabbing Westward-Television
Sitting alone contemplating
what is missing inside me
Desperately I try to remember
a life that's not meant to be
I meditate and try to recapture
some since of reality oh....

But I look around I see numb empty faces
the world is waiting to die
And this apathy is so suffocating
it's slowly killing my mind
I've searched the world for someone with answers
to questions that are plaguing me
I scream in vain at anyone who'll listen
but everybody's watching t.v. (joke)

Is anyone alive
Or am I lost in a world where nothing matters
Am I lost in a world where no one cares

Is anyone alive
Is anyone alive
Or are we lost in a world where nothing matters
Are we lost in a world where no one cares
Where no one cares

thoughts---please I need answers
We spend all of our time...woundering,searching,asking why. But do any of us see the big picture. One of the hardist things in life is loosing something you cherrish. It seems everything I cherrish I loose. Skateboarding..Band...friends...even hope. And life is vey Baron without hope,it is like..the cold cloudy day,where the skies are gray and everything around you is just lifeless. Why do we lose what we cherrish most? I feel..as If I am alone..driffting in space..with no-one looking for me,I call and call out for someone to be there...but the only noise I hear is the constant sound of lonlyness that torments me. Where do you go for answers when no-bodie knows and niether do you. Where do you find light in the deepest depths of the sea of pain that you sank into a long time ago?

Current Mood: Alone
Current Music: Pink Floyd-Echoes

Advertisement